Cold Showers - Commentary

There's nothing I love more in life
Than a scalding hot shower
It's the symbol of human dignity
That separates us from the chimps
Helps you scrub off the sleep and scrub on the day
Or scrub off the day, and scrub on the sleep
Don't know if you're morning or night shower people
Whatever floats your boat

But where are your toddlers gonna float their boats
If all you have is cold H₂O?
That's two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen
And zero parts justice!

Now I know you're thinking
"What are you talking about?
Go away, this is private property!"€

Well, before we leave, ladies and gents
Allow me to set the scene: ima—

Yeah, I don't live here.

Oh.

Imagine your kids taking a shower before they go to school
They douse their skin with ice cold water
A huge shock to their little systems
At first it's downright unpleasant, but then
It gets them wired in a way they've never felt
And they think to themselves:
"That shower felt great, maybe I'll try cocaine!"

So your son's on coke, your daughter's pregnant
And your husband's probably having an affair
Apocalypse!
Just like the movie I Am Legend
But not like that at all

No hot water
Which means cold showers
Next thing you know
Your kids will be on crack

No hot water