Russian Band Stand

Welcome to Russian Bandstand
Dis is your host, Nikita Clarkchev
In Russia, almost everybody watches Russian Bandstand!
(Machine gun fire)
Now everybody watches Russian Bandstand! Heh, heh, heh

Next is #1 song in Russia
(Backwards clip of "Maybellene" by Chuck Berry)
(But we don't like that song!)
You've got to like that song, it's #1 song!
(But we don't like...) (gunfire)

Who else doesn't like that song?
(I don't like...) (gunfire) (any... other... song)
Too late, comrade!
Now, anybody else don't like?
(We like that song)
All right, now a word from our sponsor. You better listen!

Light Up Stroganoff, new short length cigarette
Each cigarette - two puffs
That's all you got time for
Work twenty-two hours a day salt mine
Is only cigarette with microphone filter
So be careful comrade, secret police are listening
Is only cigarette I smoke, right Comrade Mamarelichev?
Right, is only cigarette you can buy!
Next on Russian Bandstand is country's No. 1 singing star, Nikita Presleychev
What are you going to sing, Nikita?
(Backwards clip of "Maybellene" by Chuck Berry)
No, that's wrong song (gunfire)
Tomorrow we have new Number 1 singing star!
Tomorrow we have new Number 1 song!

Hey comrade, we are secret police!
Tomorrow we have new host on Russian Bandstand! (gunfire)